Philosophy Card Sunday: Mark Twain

If you want love, or you want fame, are you in the game?

It’s Sunday, so we’re back! Again, every Sunday this year, I will be pulling an “inspirational” card from my deck of 52 philosophy quotes and questions and I’ll share my answers to them here. Here is the quote before the question(s) in bold:

”If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away” - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There’s a saying in recovery that goes something along the lines of: “you have to give up one thing to have everything.” It means to get rid of the substance so that one can have the rest of their life. If recovery falls out of view/focus, then the addiction creeps back in and may work to take away everything one loves and wants to enjoy. If you’re not working towards your recovery, you’re working towards your relapse. At least, that was what was said to strike fear in my gut.

I think Twain’s quote is pretty similar to this sentiment from recovery. If you want love, give love. If you want abundance, give in abundance. Be generous with one’s soul so that one’s own soul can blossom and fulfill potential.

It’s pretty simple advice from Twain: generosity is what will bring happiness and contentment. My question is thus: what happens when the abundance is not returned? Here’s a scenario: A friend, let’s say they’re recently unemployed, hits me up begging for the last few dollars they need to make rent and survive another month. They won’t go to family for fear of ridicule and I agree to send them, I don’t know, $500 to make rent. That’s way more than I would ever send so don’t any of you get any ideas. A month later, I am flying to Scotland or somewhere else cool. I need a ride to the airport to make my 11 am flight - not too late, not too early. I ask the same friend for a ride because they have a car and, in this scenario, I do not. I could take a series of buses and trains, but the drive would be much more convenient. They say “no.”

What am I meant to do, Twain? Complain? In vain? But what am I supposed to feel? Should I be glad that I showed generosity in giving up the money to help a friend? I would assume so. But, when this friend won’t return the favor, what do I feel then? Betrayed? Humbled? Humiliated? Generous? What happens if, to try and get love and abundance, I give them away, yet they are not returned?

I can understand that giving away love and abundance would make the next person more likely to do the same; like when someone pays for the order behind them in the drive-thru. To use addiction again, Johann Hari has an excellent TEDTalk about how connection is the opposite of addiction and how love is the greatest remedy for the struggling addict. I can get behind this idea - showing love doesn’t ensure that love is returned, but it makes it more likely and more easy for the returning party.

In general, I would say that Twain is correct: if someone showed me love, I would be much more likely to return the favor in some sense. But, if I show someone else love, am I meant to expect it to be returned? Or, am I meant to be content with the idea of me trying my best to do what’s right, whether the world agrees with the method(s) or not?

Let me clear this up: Twain is correct, in my mind. Giving away love and abundance is the easiest, best, and most profitable way of gaining both of those qualities. My contention against Twain’s quote is that it’s too general. It’s a nice quote to cast a wide umbrella, but what happens when reciprocation is missed?

I would want to answer my own questions by saying that one cannot control others. There’s no guarantee that love will or will not be reciprocated. But, the best way for it to be reciprocated is to start the chain of events. Maybe I could revise Twain’s quote by saying “the best way to gain love and abundance is to give them away” as opposed to the finality that seems to be held within Twain’s words here.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing loud for all to hear.

Where do thoughts of lack, scarcity, greed, or limitation still show up in my life?

Oh brother, where to begin?

No, genuinely, I don’t know where to begin with this question. I want to say that it all returns to me: I view myself as being a limitation for the rest of the team, yet I will greedily and selfishly try to gain as much as I can through my schemes to cheat abundance.

I think this question is more geared emotionally, however. In that capacity, I would assess that I need to exit my comfort zone more. The mustache was good for that for a time, but this question reads more to me as: where am I lacking emotional comfort and where am I greedy for it?

Emotionally, I could give away a lot more than I am/do in the hopes of sharing in reciprocation with someone else. For a week or two, my mom and I wrote emotional letters back and forth and that was great! We got to learn about each other while relieving our chests of varying weights (the opposite of Giles Corey). I could definitely be someone who offers an extended hand and a life update in the hopes of it being returned. The worst response, I think, to a life update would be a returned text as simple as “nice.” That would crush me.

Meanwhile, I get internally frustrated when it comes to light that someone has been struggling without my knowledge, when I feel I could be someone who helps, because the other person did not come to me for advice or to relieve themselves of their burden. I expect others to start what I want to have started already, if that makes sense. As always, a conversation goes two ways: I am equally responsible in the information that I give out as gained - according to Twain.

I was brought up to have a “pitcher’s mentality” and that’s something I’d like to now shed as an adult. I won’t wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I would love to stop faking smiles and laughs and to be able to just genuinely feel as I do: as reclusive, anti-social, introverted, or other similar word as that may end up being. I love alone time like, as 50n Cent so eloquently put it, a fat kid loves cake.

That may or may not be a good answer to the question posed in response to Twain’s quote, but Twain’s quote also wasn’t greatly phrased. My main takeaway I’d like you to have from this post is that if you want love or abundance or whatever it is, try starting it with someone else. If you want to be someone people can turn to in struggles, show your struggles. If you want to be someone who gets lots of love, give it away first. The best way, not the guaranteed way, of getting love and abundance is by starting that conversation.

Give it away so you can have everything.

Next week: John Locke

Buying a coffee could be a cool way to show love.

But, you don’t have to. You can also keep your abundance.