Philosophy Card Sunday: Pythagoras
The triangle guy!
It’s Sunday, so we’re back! Again, every Sunday this year, I will be pulling an “inspirational” card from my deck of 52 philosophy quotes and questions and I’ll share my answers to them here. Here is the quote before the question(s) in bold:
In anger we should refrain from both speech and action - Pythagoras (570 BC - 490 BC)
This 2,500 year old quote has stood against and passed the test of time and in no small part due to its ability to be easily understood at face value. When you’re pissed…shut up. Just shut up. I think more what Pythagoras its going for in saying “action” is retaliation, but we all know our thoughts are not ours in anger. Retaliation of any kind is despicable. Create S.M.A.R.T goals and aim to exceed those - there’s no glory in ruining someone else’s day/life.
I’m writing something with a friend of mine and we’ve been working wicked hard on it for about two or three months now. In the piece, this is an example of action/retaliation, I express frustration with a student that I work with in school by saying that I need to restrain myself from becoming physical. Obviously, I do not mean this. No part of me would want to attack a student. But, I took my anger and turned it into a statement that I do not agree with, yet still claim to be mine.
In anger is when we say things like “I hate you,” “I wish you were never born,” “kill yourself,” and a bunch of other reprehensible or regrettable words. In anger, it’s best to just shut up and sit tight. Well, it’s better to speak to someone about the anger, not in anger. There’s a difference in engagement - sort of like how people on Substack gain engagement for being supportive and friendly while Twitter relies on rage to form engagement(s).
Speaking about or acting against the anger is much different than speaking with or acting upon anger. I can tell my parents all about how stressful my day was and about why I am mad at the Patriots and about my Amazon package being 15 minutes late. How dare they give me a time window and then not abide by it. What is this? USPS?
I can also act against the anger and, by that, I mean to act in an appropriate manner that releases frustration and is safe for everyone involved. A punching bag in the garage, a feathery pillow, or a student’s face drive full of obscenities being shouted towards the steering wheel - these are all examples where anger can be channeled and released before an explosion. The anger wants to be released; it wants to explode and it wants you to perform destructions against those who so-called ‘wronged’ you. Work against that and channel the anger into more appropriate and acceptable formats.
Because that’s what’s going to happen if the anger is not dealt with. You should not act or speak in anger, but it must be released before emphatic speech and unfixable actions are taken against someone else or one’s self. I have some typos in my book. Two to be exact. I end one question with a period and the word “builkd” is in there. I am furious about it. I didn’t notice them until dozens of people had already bought and gotten their copies, so I figured there was no use in doing anything about it. That’s just the way they’re going to be and I’ll be better when I release a novel in 6-18 months (I realize that’s an insane window; and also maybe in three years or ten or thirty. I have no idea really).
If I had let that anger stew in me and eat away at my mental integrity, I would have broken down over time and time and time again. So, I had to fire off angry text messages to beat myself up and I had to complain to my therapist to get my frustration off my chest. I can’t go to everyone’s house(s) and take back my book to replace their copy with a typo-less one. It’s futile to hope for that. What I can do - seeing as anger is a secondary emotion - is name my embarrassment to make it more easily manageable and I can come to terms with the fact that those do not take away from the contents of the book. It’s still a well-written book with good ideas and lots of laughs with or without “builkd.”
When you’re angry, speak about the feeling; try to understand the real emotion at the genesis or origin of the anger. When you’re angry, take it out on a pillow, not the dog. In anger, we should refrain from both speech and action. And we need to temper our release of the anger; the release is still important to prevent dynamic explosions.
I’m not much of a yeller and try to raise my voice as little, as little, as little as possible. But, goddamnit would it feel nice to have a script to scream…I think.
What is a clear indicator that I am triggered and need to cool off before I speak or act?
A clear indicator for me, and I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, is the ‘fuck its.’ I’ve been diagnosed with OCD. So, when I say “it’s my OCD,” I’m not being cute for TikTok attention - it’s real. And I say that I live with OCD to say that my brain has a litany of particulars that i believed other people lived with before learning more about the disorder. For instance, I guess it’s not normal to continuously stare out the rearview mirror of the car to check the speed of the person behind you so that you can stay at a high enough rate of speed that they won’t get mad at me for being slow. Some of you all just look out the front, where the car is going. That example is actually what initiated the OCD diagnosis.
My immediate instinct in anger is to say “fuck it” and assume a position where I believe that nothing matters and I act regrettably towards others and myself. It used to be way worse as a kid. I never knew emotions growing up, so I just understood that anger felt “bad” and I wanted to get rid of it the only way I could conjure at to how: with physicality and bullying.
I’ll believe “fuck it” and send that angry text. I’ll believe “fuck it” and throw the [insert whatever’s in my hand] against the wall, smashing it. I’ll believe “fuck it” and lapse to make the feeling go away. My mind will fester upon itself, ruminate in irritation, and act angrily. I have to stop myself and think these words: “what’s a good coping skill for right now?” Is it reading? Writing? Going for an expletive laden drive? Whatever it is - it could even be waiting a day until a therapy appointment - it must be healthier than rage. It’s healthier than petulance.
My indicator is refusing to acknowledge consequences. Once “fuck it” has been declared in my mind, like bankruptcy, it’s hard to change course and I’ll know I’m in trouble. All of my relapses started with a “fuck it.”
It’s good to know this about yourself - you try to give an answer! Unfortunately, my vocabulary app has not revolutionized my thinking yet, so I do not have a word to better describe my feeling of not giving a damn about my own consequences yet acting in a selfish manner aimed to create physicality from the hurt I feel inside - instead, I have described this feeling as the “fuck its.”
Next week: Anthony de Mello